There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Randomize
