Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
