he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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