u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
