Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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