this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
love makes seman taste better
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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