sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
