I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
