Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
