He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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