I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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