she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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