my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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