There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
two words: eviction party
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
