I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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