So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
