my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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