drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Randomize
