youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
