Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
