I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
