On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
