And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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