I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
