i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
