why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
