he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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