Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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