You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
