this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
