how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
