i don't plan on having that self control this summer
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
