Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
