Me too!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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