I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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