Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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