How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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