Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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