How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
