ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
