My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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