I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
