I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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