So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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