I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
