Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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