Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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