Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
