o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
