she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
