After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
