carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
