There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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