there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
