Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
