So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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