Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
