She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
