Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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