i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
