Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
