Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
