Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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